As the world celebrates April’s fools’ day, I set and contemplate how that day in 2005 got forever changed for me.
It will always remind me of the first time I lost a friend. Samer died this day last year. The hunk, very handsome sexy guy who lost his life a year ago. Yes it was tough. A very tough experience I don’t wish to anyone.
Death is weird, it’s hard to comprehend when you are used to not seeing the person for long periods of time, that’s what I felt years after my grandmother Um Husam died in 1996, and after my dear lovely aunt died in 2000. I miss them all, as if I haven’t seen them for a while. I don’t think I can ever comprehend the fact that I will not see them again.
As I have been browsing the contacts list on my mobile in Amman a couple of months ago, searching for I don’t know what. I saw the entry. I got startled. I froze. Samer Bakri. It felt so weird, and yes I couldn’t get my self to delete it. As if keeping his mobile number on my mobile address book will forever make me remember him. I am weird like that.
Samer was funny and sarcastic as far as anyone would go. Yet very courageous, that kind of courage that is very hard to attain these days; as the disease of conformity is continuously spreading through the streets of Amman. He was different and made sure everyone knew he was different. He was as out as a gay man as anyone would reach in Amman. Confident and out there to stunt people on the streets, restaurants, cafe’s and bars. I will always admire his courage, to live it out to be whole and to be true to your self.
His trip though short in calendar days; yet if when I look closer, I see it rich in many experiences and in exposure than the average Jordanian, Arab or Human.
I hope Samer found love, found comfort and was content before he left us. Yet as sarcastic as I know him, he might not.
This is to say, I loved him, remember him and I miss him in my own little way